Scream like you never have before,
Scream!
Scream till you cant scream anymore,
Scream !
Scream like your throat is bleeding,
Scream!
Scream till your heart stops beating,
SCREAM FOR ME!
Top excuses to give when you are caught sleeping at your desk:
1. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
2. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.
3. Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper.
4. I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!
5. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
6. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
7. Actually I’m doing a “Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan” (SLEEP). I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.
8. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.
9. Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
10. The coffee machine is broken.
11. Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot.
12. Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!
13. Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!
14. I wasn’t sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.
15. Amen.
Courtesy: www.lifeisajoke.com
We managed to get on the flat top of the strange looking place. Although the climb was a little more than a 5 storied building, it did not leave us panting. Climbing it was rather fun with the nice even slope, but I am sure Elf wouldn’t agree.
It was beautiful, the sun was high up in the sky, yet one didn’t feel the heat. There was steady breeze, neither hot nor cold just perfect.
Just then I saw these HORSES galloping, oh where they beautiful!!! Three of them, white, and two browns. As they got a little closer I realized that they were much larger than the regular horses, much, much larger. Oh! How I wanna ride them. Although I am shit scared of horses because it’s really difficult to keep the balance, one just keeps tumbling on either side of the narrow seating saddle. BUT THESE, Oh these horses had nice WIDE backs. I am sure the balance would be much better; also their bones might hurt less with such nice thick coating of muscle over them.
I started running, following them as they had passed me and went some 100 odd meters ahead while I was musing about riding them. I was running, pulled in by their magnetism, forgetting the rest of the gang or rather not knowing if they were following me or yelling for me to stop.
I reached a strange looking ruin of some man created fort of sorts. It was falling apart and was clearly not in the books of ancient art history or precious monuments because there were creepers all over it and was black with years of battle with the hard hitting weather. It was still very beautiful, in a very crude sense of the jungle, it was beautiful.
The horses disappeared, Oh Shit!! Now What Do I Do?!?! I have no idea where to go from here or how to go back. CRAP! I looked around and saw a narrow path, very faint, but it was there. Went ahead and saw a sharp turn, I believe it’s a narrow entrance in the structure, caused by some fallen loose stones of the wall. So reluctant but strangely determined I peeped inside, saw wild flowers and trees all over. It was jus the same inside as it was outside. So I walked in, went about aimlessly, being in awe of the beauty of the untouched jungle.
I heard rustling of dried leaves or maybe (just maybe) it was a cheerful sound, I couldn’t be too sure, for it died out as fast as it came. I thought it came somewhere from the right, yea I guess I should check what it was. I started walking from in between the jungle. There were beautiful flowers with colours as vibrant as I’ve never seen before. I saw this bright magenta one. Oh was it Gg-oO-r-G-e-o-U-sS o what?! I had a violent urge to touch and eat it. I wondered if it was normal, aah what the heck! I grabbed one, plucked it and put it in my mouth. Oh the taste was incredible, like nothing I’ve tasted before, yummm. No wonder the bees freak out on brightly coloured flowers, they just taste So Good.
I heard the sound again, this time it was closer and it jerked me out of the magnetism of the hypnotic taste. I moved forward and could sense a lot of people, may be it’s a tribal community loving here. Oh wow, that would be fun! I moved forward, there was an opening of sorts in a wall, some 10 feet away, this one was bigger and there was a lot of light on the other side. This must be it, this is where they live. I must go and check it out. I reached and pushed myself on the other side. The sight, unbelievable as it may seem, was truly extraordinary and wonderful.
There not very far from me were the three magnificent horses and when I shifted my focus to the wide expanse of the truly dream like jungle I saw the most wondrous creatures.
There were huge brightly coloured birds, llama, giraffes, deer, and squirrels – mighty big ones too. Oh and a little further away, lazing in the shade was a Panther! A PANTHER! ohmigod was it awesome or what?!
I tried to move about soundlessly as to not disturb them and startle them with a human presence. But I had a feeling that although they didn’t take notice of me, they seemed to know I was there and didn’t mind it. I moved a little further and just then I saw the strangest of all sites. They looked like monkeys but were nothing like the 3 of them, 2 big ones and a kid. The elders were holding two trees on either side and had entangled their tails with each other and the baby was sitting on it and together all three of them were swinging oh! So much fun!
They had such peculiar eyes, perfectly round and really big – reminded me of the powder-puff girl’s eyes. There was about half an inch of bright magenta border around them. Without realizing I had moved closer to them and now I could really see the eyes clearly while they kept on swinging while looking at me. The eyes seemed to be smiling with their crystal clear shine and the magenta border. Even when the mouth was still the eyes were smiling. I could see myself only a dark silhouette in their eyes. All that running around and moving about in the jungle had surely messed up my hair.
I couldn’t stop myself from saying, although I knew that there was no way the monkeys would understand what I’d be saying, but before I could stop myself I uttered “My turn next”. I knew I said it because I could feel my mouth move but only a very strange sound came out, and something stranger happened next. The kid jumped out, looked at me with those smiley eyes and turned to look at the live monkey swing. It really WAS my turn.
I think it’s about that time for me to make fun of people again. I miss it.
The best place to start is the jungle they call Online Dating. So I created a fake id for the fun of it and here are a few of my latest emails received. Oh how I love seeing the English language being slaughtered. Sigh!
Bachelor #1: YOU SEEM NICE GET BACK IF YOUR INTERERSTED
A quick glance at his profile reveals that as a career: “I work about 60 hours about in concrete. I am happy with my life”. That’s all he says and the only answer to the typical “About Me” stuff he gave was his salary.
First of all I’d like to know how I seem nice when you’ve never spoken to me. You can’t really judge niceness based on a written profile, especially not one that’s fake and to the point, like mine is. That would be like me telling him that he seems loud. Which he does, what with all the yelling and such.
Also what the hell does “about 60 hours about in concrete” mean? You work close to 60 hours kind of with a material resembling concrete? You work 60 hours a week? A month? A pay-period? A year? A lifetime? Who the hell cares how many hours you work?
NEXT!
Bachelor #2: Do u have msn?
While I’m at it, can I just give you my address? We haven’t exchanged 5 words and you want me to give you my msn? What kind of girl sees this message and thinks: “Gosh he sure did put in a lot of effort to obtain a personal bit of information from me; I should definitely give him a chance.”
So, giving him a chance, I look at his profile and find these tantalizing tidbits:
I am sexxy, energetic, and easy going. I am 31 male 5′9 well built and looking for friends and more. i am adventurious and always lookingto try new things.
Good thing you’re sexxy and not just sexy because I never date guys who are “only one x” sexy.
Moving on!
Bachelor #3: HI! I am nice good looking East Indian guy who is looking for some fun.
If you’re so good-looking why don’t you have a picture up? Also, telling a normal girl you’re looking for some fun = telling a whore you just want to talk. Or something along those lines.
My backwards analogies make sense in my mind. Does yours after reading this post?
Brighter and lighter
The world seems now
Sooner or later
I will escape and how!
The sun seems glorious
And dances on my windows
My actions less notorious
And are more left indoors!
Again I am willing to fly
And take that flight
The birds in my sky
Are showing the green light!
When the time comes
I will hop, skip and jump
Till then I will wait
And avoid the bump!
I see a myriad colour
Pumping at the start
The smell of squalor
Leaving my heart!
Smiles spread across
From ear to ear
That leaves my soul
So far from fear!
Gone will be those days
When I will stress
For the angels above
Are finally here to bless!
I will dance till I die
But live to see that wee hour
With a twinkle in my eye
That won’t be sour!
I thank you all
For the good times and bad
But I know the fall
Wasn’t that bad!
So all I can leave
Is happy trails all the way
And let my heart forgive
For you deserve it and so do they!
The renditions of one’s soul are boundless. Sometimes it’s a starchy old thing and sometimes as nouveau as the first rains of summer. But I am yet to figure out what is my soul made up of. Sometimes I do things that would even amaze a saint and sometimes I do things that would make a pirate feel proud. I can’t handle the dilemma and the dichotomy that my soul presents in front of me everyday… today there might be a glorious sunrise in my soul with bright yellow beams shining all over and tomorrow it would be murky and evil. Sometimes I am scared of myself and sometimes I can’t get enough of myself. I wish I could just runaway from it but it’s such an integral part of my being that it refuses to leave me…even for a moment… I was always searching for that perfect companionship all my life where I am not judged because of my words or actions but I am loved and respected for the same… sadly, little did I realise that I wasn’t going to get what I want. That’s when in the tandem of things I feel that my soul is heroically lost and then heroically found in the later moments of life…
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh
~Voltaire~
Empty buckets
Buttery sands
Wistful songs of
Farther lands
Crowning glory
Of moonlight kisses
Toothy smiles
Of one of his missus
Battered
By the crow
Buttery jittery
Throw
Sunken mosaics
Creepy snores
Bourgeoisie eyes
Smoky pies
Cracked walls
Lucid calls
Bitchy meows
Crimpy skews
Screams galore
Snores the whore
Haggard knees
Blackened seeks
Barbed edges
Dry hedges
Surreal smiles
Violet dyes
Legless frogs
Grey fogs
Windscreen smog
Smiles
That knows
None
But
Themselves
For they
Are
Tomorrows
Suns
It cant get worse than this….! Rotflmao 
1. 1. Uh, hey baby.
2. Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said “come.”
3. You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let’s like get into each other’s life or whatever.
4. Uh, like let’s drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, do it.
5. Uh, get out of my car and into my dreams, baby.
6. What’s your sign? Is it “Yield”? Huh huh huh huh.
7. Would you like carry my books for me?
8. If I said you were sexy, would you hold your body against me?
9. I can make you feel like I’ve never had sex before.
10. My lips are registered weapons.
11. I’m not trying to pick you up. You’re like too heavy. Huh huh huh huh. Get it?
12. If I was the last man on Earth I bet we could do it in public.
13. If you need a love doctor, I have like a medicated degree.
14. If you ever had sex with a machine, that’s what it’s like with me. ‘Cause I’m like a sex machine.
15. If you’re really hot, I bet I can cool you down.
16. Hey, are you one of those chicks who goes out with guys right off the bat? ‘Cause that’s what I’m looking for.
17. Should I call you for breakfast or will you like cook it for me?
18. You may not be really hot, but I bet you like to do it
Another day, another week, another month is here. Bob Dylan is still crooning somewhere. He is telling me that I believe in you. I have now gone back to the old days of thinking about people who are not really there. Sometimes I feel so disenchanted with life, what is the meaning of all this? I live, and then I die, and everything in between, does it really matter. So much pain, so much suffering, so much sadness, reaching out for a truth that must not exist. Everything is reeking of rot, it seems sometimes like everything is dead and we are only believing it all to be real. I close my eyes and rise above my little space, above, and suddenly I can see the land getting farther away from me, my little space getting enmeshed with more and more of sameness. There is no novelty left in anything, nothing seems to be fresh- we are all the same, mirror reflections of each other, only believing to be different. And yet knowing we aren’t. After all this I allow myself to be carried away by everything that is putrid and decaying. Why can I not spread more love? More laughter? More happiness? I too have become a cog in the wheel churning out more and more nonsense feeling satisfied with the selfishness of the self, of all that I think is mine. But nothing here is really mine. I own nothing, I only have something for rent, for sometime and one day everything is washed away back to shores from where they come. I feel torn apart, torn apart from the two visions I see ahead of me, the one that I see all around, of money of the riches that even I aspire to achieve someday maybe, and then there is the one that sacrifices all that for something much greater, more divine. I don’t believe in God, I don’t know if there is God. if it matters or not whether i do or not, but what about the now, the now that is screaming out for help, that is standing ahead of me with its arms outstretched begging for help, I want to reach out, spread some love, some happiness. All changes begin from the self I think, maybe if I change myself bit by bit, the world around me will also begin to change, and I shall see it again in all its beauty and splendor. Embrace life, embrace love.
An interesting poem by Dav Pilkey
In a long-ago time, when long ago peoples
were building cathedrals and raising up steeples,
they crafted stone creatures and set them on perches
to guard and protect and watch over the churches.
So gargoyles were born, and they stood night and day,
keeping evil and terrible spirits away.
And ne’er was a creature so true and so loyal
as the watchful, courageous, and fearless gargoyle.
But the years came and went, and the people did, too.
And in time, they forgot what their ancestors knew.
And whenever they passed by the gargoyles’ lairs,
they trembled in fear at the gargoyles’ stares.
And as time went along, people’s fear turned to spite,
and they sneered and they cursed at the guardians of night:
“demons!” they grumbled — “grotesque!” and “horrid!”
“Those beasts don’t belong on the house of the lord!”
When the gargoyles heard these words that were spoken,
their stony old hearts became crumbled and broken.
Then storms rumbled in, and their eyes filled with rain,
and in stillness they stayed, alone and in pain.
But as it so happened, some angels were near,
and heeding the grief of a gargoyle’s tear,
they each fluttered down from the heavens on high
to sit with the gargoyles beneath thundering skies.
now, angels have ways of making things right,
so they stayed with the gargoyles all through the night,
patting their heads and wiping their tears
and whispering life into gargoyle ears.
and soon all the gargoyles did magical things:
They gurgled and coughed and shook out their wings.
Then together the angels and gargoyles took flight,
and they soared through the clouds on a blustery night.
And while over pastures and hills they were winging,
the voices of angels were radiantly singing
music of healing and songs of rebirth
to all of the creatures in all of the earth:
“God bless the rain, and the storm clouds that bring it.
God bless the music, and the voices that sing it.
God bless the ones who sing everything wrong.
God bless the creatures who do not belong.
God bless the hearts and the souls who are grieving
for those who have left, and for those who are leaving.
God bless each perishing body and mind,
god bless all creatures remaining behind.
God bless the dreamers whose dreams have awoken.
God bless the lovers whose hearts have been broken.
God bless each soul that is tortured and taunted,
god bless all creatures alone and unwanted.”
And the gargoyles beheld wherever they roamed
that the souls of the lost weren’t really alone.
Each one had an angel, each one was protected,
and each one was cherished and loved and respected.
And so it is true with the gargoyles this day,
for all of the angels who love them have stayed.
And together they wait until days become nights,
to embark on their dark and most glorious flights.
So if you see shapes in the night sky, don’t fear –
for it simply means angels and gargoyles are near,
easing the earth with their gentle night call:
god bless the gargoyles. God bless us all.”
I penned it, literally, sitting at the office stairs two days back.Curious things are happening, and I do not quite know what to think! It’s that wonderful stage when things are just waking up from dormancy but even then there is an awkward hope of despair. Does asking questions mean being more afraid than I ought to? I believe it is always like this, it is a gamble and don’t people just don’t take it… I am like Prufrock, my goodness! I am the living image of Prufrock! Is it a mistake to hold back for the sake of friendship?
Sometimes I think that they might get together, and although it must be wonderful to have friends going that way, it does make me feel unhappy.
And it is all because of Elf.
In the meantime, things are sweet with Miko. However, I can’t think of it that way, not because it cannot be for long, right? We must part ways and I am happy with the joy that we share this way. He is my bud, sweet darling. I could take care of him always
HOW WEIRD!!!
Prufrock must be playing on my mind quite a bit! This one feels like stepping into Prufrock’s boots! I penned it, literally, sitting at the office stairs two days back.
The Prufrock in Me
This city of joy, of mirth, of life. Oh *City*!
I return to your womb with memories of a coffee bar bell.
Spun over hours of idle talk and banter,
Of laughter and restraint emotions, heart pell-mell.
I just wait for you all my life -
Because you will never ask, and I could never tell
HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME:
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what’s bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women’s crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.
HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN:
1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you’re gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they’ve done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they’re jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw.)
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
10. Dogs understand what “no” means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Courtesy: www.lifeisajoke.com
Mostly I feel safe in this city, some days, not so much. Today the president of my company, trying to be helpful, advised me to pick up some bear-spray. I completely misunderstood and in my mind the conversation went like this:
The Pres: “Alice, do you have hairspray in your purse?”
Me: *thinking: what is wrong with my hair?*
“Um..no, but there’s some in the bathroom”
The Pres: *looking confused*
“Oh. Well you should think about getting some. For your purse.”
Me: “Oh…ok, I’ll look into it…”
Meanwhile, I dart to the bathroom and realize that he must have meant BEAR spray. We had been talking about a women getting attacked downtown.
Wow.
He’s probably really confused as to why there’s bear spray in the women’s washroom.
Omg! 
Dear Elf,
I did watch the movie today, it is called 21 grams of course, I smiled… I also read and reread the poem that is recited in it, the one by Eugenio Montejo… It goes like this-
The earth turned to bring us closer,
it spun on itself and within us,
and finally joined us together in this dream
as written in the Symposium.
Nights passed by, snowfalls and solstices;
time passed in minutes and millennia.
An ox cart that was on its way to Nineveh arrived in Nebraska
A rooster was singing some distance from the world,
in one of the thousand pre-lives of our fathers.
The earth was spinning with its music
carrying us on board;
it didn’t stop turning a single moment
as if so much love, so much that’s miraculous
was only an adagio written long ago
in the Symposium’s score.
Translated by Peter Boyle
how strange it is? Isn’t it? It took so many co-incidences for us to meet, and so many more for us not to, before. Before, when there was still time. What is co-incidence after all? It is a chance meeting of two events, people; they happen at the same moment and everything changes. So many might have occurred for us to meet, don’t your think so? They say, everyone deserves a second chance… Why can’t I have one more? Sometimes, I think I had mine, and I let it go, I gave it up, long back, when nothing was as it is now.
I want to see you happy; maybe you won’t be happy with me… But, are you happy now? Are you?
Love,
A
I thought of writing this poem for a man I met sometime back who has a terrific nose. I sat and stared at his nose so hard that the rest of him sort of faded away and all that I could recall was that wondrous Greek God like nose.
Met him at a party last week,
A man of manners and sapience deep.
But what struck me most,
About our very cordial host.
Was not his person, rather his nose,
Thus, to ogle at, it was his snout I chose!
What beauty, what an artifact,
Losing all sense of propriety and tact.
I rushed to my Adonis ‘Ian bebe,
Besotted by his wondrous neb.
For this nose boy that I dote,
Are the following lines I wrote-
Thy nose is flawless, like it’s chiseled in teak.
It magnanimity nothing less, than the lofty Himalayan peak!
So sharp and so straight, so very confident of its fate.
Thy nose will make Narcissus weep, for Echo, thine can no longer keep.
Together we shall honour thy nose & make jealous all unfortunate those
Who like me in bitter woes, have been born with a flat platypus nose
But you, my love, my darling rose, shall always be known for thy nose.
