It’s exasperating to think how well I remember you, every miniscule detail – it seems to me that the essence of your being is etched into my mind with golden liquid paint. Your memory continues to sink in deeper and deeper so that one day all that my life shall be, would be an extension of this memory.
Nothing is so permanent as this, no change in this, only I continue to get molded more and more into different shapes, but my void remains but a void.
Everything that remains incomplete has a much stronger memory than those that we aspire and achieve. The broken edges jab at my heart every now and then and I long to reach out and touch something that will sooth the pain. Our lives are but reflections of the cosmos that envelopes us, it is rich with the things we touch, the hearts we love, the tastes we swallow and the rivers that we go floating down. Every life is but a fleeting moment in the endless continuum of time and space, each likened to the other, linked by a thread that is only too bare but unbreakable.
But it is not to despair, for although a meaningless life as this is, there are joys too. We look for happiness in every little crevice of this universe, standing tall as we do, each one is a manifestation of the untold truth, as the centre of the universe…at the centre of the universe; we are all the essentials of our own little world. For man, and indeed all animals, life begins from the core, our egos – the self. For it is in all our similarities and differences that constitute each self, every one of us is a strategist in the world’s warfare. In being who we are we are constantly changing, moulding re-moulding ourselves in accordance with the ideals that constitute ourselves. And it is in this Herculean change that we find the constancy that we crave for. What an odd little world.
I digressed.
The moment is lost; you are lost in the depth of my memory. I cannot close my eyes and feel any longer the wet kiss on my nose. Will my memories fade? Will another one overshadow this memory? If all our memories happen only to be written over then what is the meaning of our experiences. The present is so fleeting and yet man gives up his all just for a moment of ecstasy… a single moment of the emotion that he craves for. The tears that I shed have no meaning any longer, for that was in the past, and my present will not form a memory, as vivid as it is in passing, in the future. But a lingering fragrance must remain and I guess it shall remain… Our lives are like traces of a perfume that we had put on once, our memories are its fragrance, at its best when it has begun to fade, but a whiff returns to us its former glory filling our senses with fulfillment of remembrance…
Ah...a dream...! 
Hope inspired me to write this post and I am grateful to her for reminding me about my uselessness. Well this is that much awaited post… today I have realized that I am discovering things that were hidden away in the closet of my brain since quite sometime…. like Ayn Rand, Shakespeare and now it has to be alcohol….
Well I am not the typical girly vodka drinker… infact I love whiskey, beer and wine the most… and I would do anything to have a sip of my favourite wine right now… grrr… call it boredom at work…! Phew!
Well here it goes….
• Whenever I am drinking with Cupid and my other friends, I tend to start laughing without any rhyme or reason and in no time I am rolling on the floor (literally..!)
• I tend to go online and I try to find my elf name and then keep rolling in laughter all the more
• I pretend to cook and my friends pretend to eat what I have cooked!
• I start counting the stars
• I run around in circles and behave I am running in Olympics
• I start writing some random ad campaign and start pretending that I am the next Leo Burnett or Ogilvy in making (I wish…!)
• I start drinking more water and then like everyone else, I keep going to the loo without any rhyme or reason… once I was found sleeping in the loo… actually I wasn’t sleeping… I had just passed out… thanks to those excess whiskey rampages that I went on…
• Once I had started singing on the top of my voice and in no time the donkeys were also braying along with me….!
• I started giving advices on people’s careers and start having heated debates on various topics of economics, law, current affairs and metaphysics… in short I make a complete ass of myself as I was nothing but the butt of every joke…
• I suddenly start adoring someone around me….I start uttering lines from various Shakespearean sonnets, pluck wild flowers and pull that person to dance with me around the trees (sometimes I think I have just tore the screen and come from some rundown Hollywood flick…!) all in all, I embarrass whoever the girl (!) or the guy is…
• I feel like swimming and I make a huge ruckus if I don’t get a chance to swim…! My friends actually run helter-skelter whenever I get those bouts of swimming…
• I pretend that I am not drunk and force people to give me more alcohol… and then fall flat on my face when I am unable to take more of it…
• I start to dance… (How could I forget that!!!?) And people around me get the heebie-jeebies as I tend to start dancing around them and force them to dance as well… I threaten to kill myself if they don’t dance with me….err… and at the end, we are a bunch of idiots who are dancing the night away…!
• If I happen to like a song during those liquid moments (!) then the song HAS to be played on loop till I don’t pass out… to cut a long story short I end up boring people and make them feel useless about their existence…!
But but but… I am always the heart of the party… for I surely know how to entertain my fellow mad-hatters with my randomly nonsensical antics… 
Dreamwalker
When we get there, we’re gonna
jump in air…
No one can see us ‘cause there is
no one there…
After all, you know we really
don’t care…
Hold on I am gonna take you
there…
I so relate to this song right now… and I exactly know what the feeling is…clueless and helpless…the words fail during these times of reverie… all you want is peace of mind in those wee hours of morning but the memories of life keep haunting you and make you feel as if you are doomed to despair… there are times when the world crowds your brain and the only thing that you wish from God is perpetual salvation…
Standing by the window
Eyes upon the moon
Hoping that the memory will leave her spirit alone
She shuts the doors and lights
And lays her body on the bed
Where images and words are running deep
She has too much pride to pull the sheets above her head
So quietly the lays and waits for sleep
She stares at the ceiling
And tries not to think
And pictures the chain
She’s been trying to link again
But the feeling is gone
And water cant cover her memory
And ashes cant answer her pain
God give me the power to take breath from a breeze
And call life from a cold metal frame
In with the ashes
Or up with the smoke from the fire
With wings up in heaven
Or here, lying in bed
Palm of her hand to my head
Now and forever curled in my heart
And the heart of the world
I wish I didn’t feel like this today… the feeling is so not right… why should life be so unfair…the more I try to reason things out…the more my life gets messed up… I wish I could runaway or go on a freaking holiday… argh! 
It’s like you’re a drug
It’s like you’re a demon I can’t face down
It’s like I’m stuck
It’s like I’m running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It’s like the only company I seek is misery all around
It’s like you’re a leech
Sucking the life from me
It’s like I can’t breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I’m never gonna quit you over time
It’s like I can’t breathe
It’s like I can’t see anything
Nothing but you
I’m addicted to you
It’s like I can’t think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You’ve taken over me
It’s like I’m not me
It’s like I’m not me
It’s like I’m lost
It’s like I’m giving up slowly
It’s like you’re a ghost that’s haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I’ll never change my ways
If I don’t give you up now
It’s like I can’t breathe
It’s like I can’t see anything
Nothing but you
I’m addicted to you
It’s like I can’t think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You’ve taken over me
It’s like I’m not me
It’s like I’m not me
I’m hooked on you
I need a fix
I can’t take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I’ll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that’s it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I’m hooked on you
I need a fix
I can’t take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I’ll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that’s it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
It’s like I can’t breathe
It’s like I can’t see anything
Nothing but you
I’m addicted to you
It’s like I can’t think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You’ve taken over me
It’s like I’m not me
It’s like I’m not me
The Rush of August
The oh so familiar sound of the fields, the wind chimes swaying in the air and of course a kid dancing to the rhythm of life. Sounds clichéd, right? Bah! Not really…welcome to August Rush…a movie which is all about music of the heart, music of the soul and music of everything around you…there was a point of time when I was like August Rush but in the midst of this materialistic world I have lost touch with my usual self. I yearn to go back to those simplicities but somehow I cannot. Call it responsibilities, call it boredom…I am unable to get the floss out of my hand and my soul and somewhere I have made so many mistakes in my life that I have simply stopped living my life… I am nothing but a robot that does what she is supposed to do…and somehow August Rush was like a breath of fresh air, like a sip of cold lemonade during those extra long days of summer when you are busy gardening or just lazing around in your courtyard and simply reading a book… August Rush engrosses you since the first scene…it does get melodramatic sometimes but for all those music lovers like me, this is the right kind of movie… It encompasses the music of the universe… the music of the rivers… the music of the pained soul… the music of love reunited… (Something I used to listen to at one point of time)
Its ignited the pain in me… a pain that I had forcibly dealt with… a pain that I forcibly try to forget… but this movie is like a ray of sunshine… something that I guess I was looking for… something that ignited the passion in me once again… something in me started hoping again… hoping for life… hope for love and hoping for the universe to give answers again… I had stopped asking any questions to the universe cuz somewhere I had felt that I had been betrayed by my Master…and somewhere He had tricked me… but I guess I was wrong… He was always there for me… but I guess I chose not to see Him or feel His presence around me… and somewhere it hurts a lot… somewhere He was there with me when I got the tattoo done… somewhere He was watching me when I did those wild things… but patiently He just stood there and let my life explain the eternal truth to me… somewhere I guess I had to go through it the hard way to love Him and appreciate Him and understand His doings once again… we both know that our relation goes way beyond time began… way before this universe came into existence… its something that the first grains of sand felt for the first drops of water… when the clouds first touched the earth… when the seas first touch the shores… when the fairies first danced in the twilight… when the music first hit my soul… this movie is dedicated to my Master and all those first moments that I have spent with Him… and all those moments that I will spend with Him in future… and all those moments when He will be watching me, smiling with me, crying for me and soothing me whenever I need Him. As I cross this eternal bridge called life, I will wait…wait for his Judgement Day and wait to be in His arms forever…
Until then I revel in my August Rush…
The only song that has ever made sense to me…
Loose Lips by Kimya Dawson. Check her out on www.kimyadawson.com she is superbly random…just like me…! 
loose lips might sink ships but loose gooses take trips
to san Francisco, double Dutch disco,
tech tv hottie, do it for scotty
do it for the living and do it for the dead
do it for the monsters under your bed
do it for the teenagers and do it for your mom
broken hearts hurt but they make us strong and
we won’t stop until somebody calls the cops
and even then we’ll start again and just pretend that
nothing ever happened
we won’t stop until somebody calls the cops
and even then we’ll start again and just pretend that
nothing ever happened
we’re just dancing, we’re just hugging,
singing, screaming, kissing, tugging
on the sleeve of how it used to be
how’s it gonna be?
i’ll drop kick russell stover, move into the starting over house
and know matt rouse and jest are watching me achieve my dreams
and we’ll pray, all damn day, every day,
that all this shit our president has got us in will go away
while we strive to figure out a way we can survive
these trying times without losing our minds
so if you wanna burn yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
and if you wanna cut yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
and if you wanna kill yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead
send me an IM, i’ll be your friend
shysters live from scheme to scheme and my 4th quarter pipe dreams
are seeming more and more worth fighting for
so i’ll curate some situations, make my job a big vacation
and i’ll say FUCK BUSH AND FUCK THIS WAR
my war paint is sharpie ink and i’ll show you how much my shit stinks
and ask you what you think because your thoughts and words are powerful
they think we’re disposable, well both my thumbs opposable
are spelled out on a double word and triple letter score
we won’t stop until somebody calls the cops
and even then we’ll start again and just pretend that
nothing ever happened
we won’t stop until somebody calls the cops
and even then we’ll start again and just pretend that
nothing ever happened
we’re just dancing, we’re just hugging,
singing, screaming, kissing, tugging
on the sleeve of how it used to be
This is a song which i totally love and hate at the same time…love cuz it speaks the truth…hate cuz the truth is always painful! Its called ‘Absolutely Free’ and kindly support piracy and download the damn thing from somewhere 
…its splendid…im not sure you might like it in the first go…but the percussion is rich and glorious….have a blast…!
I don’t do publicity balling for you anymore…
The first word in this song is discorporate.
It means: to leave your body
Discorporate & come with me
Shifting; drifting
Cloudless; starless
Velvet valleys & a sapphire
Sea: wah wah
Unbind your mind
There is no time
To lick your stamps
And paste them in
Discorporate
And we will begin…wah wah!
Flower power sucks!
Diamonds on velvets on goldens on vixen
On comet on cupid on donner & blitzen
On up & away & afar & a go-go
Escape from the weight of your corporate logo!
Unbind your mind
There is no time
Boin-n-n-n-n-n-g
To lick your stamps
And paste them in
Discorporate
And we’ll begin
Freedom! freedom!
Kindly loving!
You’ll be absolutely free
Only if you want to be
Dreaming on cushions of velvet & satin
To music by magic by people that happen
To enter the world of a strange purple
Jello
The dreams as they live them are all
Mellow yellow
Unbind your mind
There is no time
Boin-n-n-n-n-n-g
To lick your stamps
And paste them in
Discorporate
And we’ll begin
Freedom! freedom!
Kindly loving!
You’ll be absolutely free
Only if you want to be
You’ll be absolutely free
Only if you want to be
love it…!!!!
