Explanation is the worst form of offence

 

Those who know you will never need it and those who do, do not understand you so in that case they don’t deserve it. Something of this sort I’d read somewhere. True I say, it’s very much true.

Note: There is a thin line between reason and explanation and sadly some don’t know it

 

Reason is the logic behind an action

Explanation is the justification for any action

Those who know you will never need it and those who do, do not understand you so in that case they don’t deserve it. Something of this sort I’d read somewhere. True I say, it’s very much true.

Note: There is a thin line between reason and explanation and sadly some don’t know it

 

Reason is the logic behind an action

Explanation is the justification for any action

The Embrace

Another day, another week, another month is here. Bob Dylan is still crooning somewhere. He is telling me that I believe in you. I have now gone back to the old days of thinking about people who are not really there. Sometimes I feel so disenchanted with life, what is the meaning of all this? I live, and then I die, and everything in between, does it really matter. So much pain, so much suffering, so much sadness, reaching out for a truth that must not exist. Everything is reeking of rot, it seems sometimes like everything is dead and we are only believing it all to be real. I close my eyes and rise above my little space, above, and suddenly I can see the land getting farther away from me, my little space getting enmeshed with more and more of sameness. There is no novelty left in anything, nothing seems to be fresh- we are all the same, mirror reflections of each other, only believing to be different. And yet knowing we aren’t. After all this I allow myself to be carried away by everything that is putrid and decaying. Why can I not spread more love? More laughter? More happiness? I too have become a cog in the wheel churning out more and more nonsense feeling satisfied with the selfishness of the self, of all that I think is mine. But nothing here is really mine. I own nothing, I only have something for rent, for sometime and one day everything is washed away back to shores from where they come. I feel torn apart, torn apart from the two visions I see ahead of me, the one that I see all around, of money of the riches that even I aspire to achieve someday maybe, and then there is the one that sacrifices all that for something much greater, more divine. I don’t believe in God, I don’t know if there is God. if it matters or not whether i do or not, but what about the now, the now that is screaming out for help, that is standing ahead of me with its arms outstretched begging for help, I want to reach out, spread some love, some happiness. All changes begin from the self I think, maybe if I change myself bit by bit, the world around me will also begin to change, and I shall see it again in all its beauty and splendor. Embrace life, embrace love.

Elf, are you reading this?

Dear Elf,

I did watch the movie today, it is called 21 grams of course, I smiled… I also read and reread the poem that is recited in it, the one by Eugenio Montejo… It goes like this-

The earth turned to bring us closer,
it spun on itself and within us,
and finally joined us together in this dream
as written in the Symposium.
Nights passed by, snowfalls and solstices;
time passed in minutes and millennia.
An ox cart that was on its way to Nineveh arrived in Nebraska
A rooster was singing some distance from the world,
in one of the thousand pre-lives of our fathers.
The earth was spinning with its music
carrying us on board;
it didn’t stop turning a single moment
as if so much love, so much that’s miraculous
was only an adagio written long ago
in the Symposium’s score.

Translated by Peter Boyle

how strange it is? Isn’t it? It took so many co-incidences for us to meet, and so many more for us not to, before. Before, when there was still time. What is co-incidence after all? It is a chance meeting of two events, people; they happen at the same moment and everything changes. So many might have occurred for us to meet, don’t your think so? They say, everyone deserves a second chance… Why can’t I have one more? Sometimes, I think I had mine, and I let it go, I gave it up, long back, when nothing was as it is now.

I want to see you happy; maybe you won’t be happy with me… But, are you happy now? Are you?

Love,
A

Well…Well…

Something that I had read sometime back…

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job… and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you’re doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself… and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends… maybe it will help someone feel like they aren’t alone in their state of confusion…

We call it the “Quarter-life Crisis.”

Letters…

Dear Homeless Man,

I hope your tap-dancing lessons are going well! I found out today that you have a twin brother, who looks exactly like you. Does he have the same Nike Shoes as you? If so, I think I may always think you are the same person. Sorry for the confusion, no wonder you looked at me like I was the crazy one when I asked you if you ever got a new oar.

I saw you and your brother fighting today. It saddened me deeply – families are the most important people in your life. Perhaps you were fighting over a female? Trust me, that bong woman who yells at people on patios and tries to grab their food is not worth a family feud.

Sure, if she stopped doing the crack and brushed her hair a little she could be pretty. If she ate something she could even be quite lovely but I’m sure there are more ladies for you two to deal with? I thought I’d let you know that that new wave you are doing with your hair? Very Donald-Trumpesque! Dress for success they say!

Kudo!

Alice

Kindle This Hearts Dying Flame…

Wandering through the darkness
searching for a source of light
walking alone through this desolate land
a land that some call life
I need to find a fire
to kindle this hearts dying flame
someone to Search inside
someone who can stand to see the pain

Chorus: So save me from myself…
And I will give you all of me
Give me a little of yourself
And I will love you endlessly

Don’t be afraid of the shadows
I have been lost in it for so long
After awhile they’re comforting
After all the feeling is gone
Give to me your hand and lead me to the light
Take me from the darkness
Help me regain my sight

I know it’s a lot to ask
and I have not much to give
All I have is love
and the rest of this life to live

Chorus: So save me from myself…
And I will give you all of me
Give me a little of yourself
and I will love you endlessly

Case of my missing jacket(s)!

I have really bad luck with jackets. Not as in I can never find one I like, or that they don’t fit or anything but in that I lose them. All the freaking time!!! Sigh!

I can think of several stories off the top of my head.

A few years ago I had this wicked mid-length jean jacket (you know the ones with the faux-fur trim – so in at the time). I loved that jacket. It was dressy enough to go with, well, dresses and casual enough to go with jeans. Anyway, New Years Eve we’re all on a pub crawl in Mumbai, boozing it up, flirting with random strangers and dancing on the tables (literally!). The party-bus driver told me my jacket would be safe resting on the bus and I drunkenly believed him. As I stumbled my way into bar three of the evening, I carelessly tossed that jacket on a seat. It would be the last time I saw it.

For a long time I refused to buy a winter coat. Maybe this is because I don’t believe in winter and if you don’t believe in something it probably doesn’t exist. Am I right? Apparently not!

Winter still comes, that bastard. So I bought a dark brown, down filled winter coat. It had a hood and was like being wrapped in a fire. Only without the unpleasant burning sensation and 2nd degree burns.

One Sunday I was pretending to play football with a huge group of people before going to a pub to watch the game. Naturally after exercising like that you’re hot and have no need for down-filled jackets so I left it in my friend’s car. Well, I ended up leaving before him – without my jacket. He soon moved to Delhi and the brown coat has never been heard from or seen since.

I have a laundry-list of poor innocent coats left behind at bars: cute little black blazer (RIP), short gray 3-buttoned wool pea-coat, brown plaid jacket, long black wool coat, jean jackets (times two), and beige corduroy blazer (I miss you).

I thought everything had gotten better. I bought a few new trench coats (including an adorable red one), a couple of blazers, 2 leather jackets, a few fleeces, a nice snowboarder coat from my parents – things were looking up.

I had gone months without losing anything. I was being responsible!

Then my home flooded with unnecessary Mumbai rains. I packed away most of the jackets (as it was not the middle of winter, I had no need for a short sleeved cape-style jacket). The rest I took with me to my parent’s house where I ended up staying for 4 months while they gutted my home and help me rebuilt it. As I unpacked my boxes after moving back into my place I realized that a few important things were missing.

All of my jackets that I had stashed away for spring/summer/fall

Every Single One

I think maybe the movers stole them for their wives. Then again, maybe jackets just don’t like me.

Waiting for forty winks…

It’s more of a brawl with me and the world around. People have come and gone but my idiosyncratic beliefs have always stayed back. With the emergence of my new mental capabilities and observational skills, somewhere life is back to square one. It doesn’t feel good… it doesn’t feel bad… it simply feels anesthetized. Have met quite a lot of people whose claim to fame has been understanding the nuances of my brain… people keep saying they know me and ‘understand’ me but somewhere they are oh so wrong… its nothing to do with the way I am or the way they are… somewhere I feel there is a gaping discrepancy between thoughts and perceptions… I don’t hate them… I don’t love them… I simply pity them… somewhere I hate sitting on the pedestal with the pink champagne twinkling in my crystal goblet… sometimes I wish I was someone they could relate to… probably someone easier to understand… probably someone who could be like them… as time flies away from my glass window, I sit back and laugh at the world around… not because of self righteousness but out of world misery… my penchant for the unusual and the extraordinary fail to arouse me from my gloom as the day somewhere has nothing to hold… the bourgeoisies taper my soul and cling to the fringes of my existence… no matter how hard I try, the feeling of helpless does not evaporate… no matter how much I beg, these iconoclasts refuse to leave the race of life… the hovering continues like an infuriating honeybee… the droning spirals in my ears and seeps into my heart… I wake up from my reverie to find the nauseating drink splattered on my muslin gown… the crystal mingling with my blood and the pain knowing no bounds… I sigh in despondency… throw my head back, not in pain or despair… but out of my sheer will to survive this grotesque world… where there are irate wolves and jackals under a human’s hide… where there are poisonous butterflies who pretend to be breathtakingly beautiful… where the world is nothing but a black coliseum… and look up at the sky to find my guiding light… the light that is the rationale behind my survival… and I see you… smiling… mocking… cajoling… my soul… and I chant my swansong to you till I wait for my forty winks to envelop me forever…

Waiting for better days…

It can only get better” they say tritely
“Next year will be different”
“Things have to start looking up for you”

Every year I go through these bouts. These periods where my mind can’t stop thinking negatively. I want to curl in a ball on my couch and never leave the house. I don’t eat all day or I eat everything I can grab. I feel like crying but my eyes are selfish and hold the tears to themselves.

I wear pajamas from the moment I walk in the door and find excuses not to answer my phone. I watch TV but don’t really see anything. I can’t sleep so I try reading, I try sleeping pills, I try a bath. I try tea, I try writing, I try lying in bed thinking of nothing and everything. I try imagining somewhere hot, and listening to waves on a beach.

I am awake but my mind is confused. How did I end up here? Like this? Lonely, sad, unable to express myself and not understanding what it is that has brought me down so low. Some nights I might go have a drink at my very own Cheers with friends but this is a temporary distraction.

I wander around the museum for hours, wishing I could disappear into the paintings, into the sculptures and be a part of history instead of making my own. I wander around the library even longer – until the librarian announces the imminent closing – picking up books and flipping through the pages.

I read comedic memoirs which remind me all too well how mine would suffer in comparison. I read serious books about war and crimes against humanity. They say misery loves company. I read books about love, about pain, about reality. Sometimes I read a book so densely and intricately worded I have to reread paragraphs three times just to understand what is happening. These are my favorite of all; they take up the most time.

Once the cold goes away, once the grass returns, once the sun again has the starring role and not just a cameo, I’ll be okay. But for now, for now I’ll sit waiting.

His Story… *sigh!

He’s not gay. He’s not an alien. He’s not… single. That’s right. He has a girlfriend. And the worst kind at that- a long-distance one. I couldn’t believe it when I first heard, or rather, overheard. He was on the phone with her, on the steps of my favourite café. It had to be his girlfriend. He was telling her to take leave in March when he’s taking it so they could go together. Anyway, they’d hardly meet till then. Who else would he say all that to? Not to his mother. He doesn’t have a sister, and that’s not the tone you use with friends.

I really should have seen this coming. If I like a guy, he must have a girlfriend stashed away somewhere. If not, he’ll get one. I might as well market this as a service and make some money of it. I just can’t believe he’s managed to hide it for so long. And why? I understand being private about your private life, I mean, who’d understand better? But to not even mention she exists?

From the sound of it, she stays in US and they’re quite serious. How can you be seriously involved with someone who stays that far away? How can you pretend that that someone is no one to you? Am I making any sense? (It was a rhetorical question.) I don’t know how I’d feel about my boyfriend pretending I don’t exist especially if we’re serious about each other. Or maybe he’s not that serious about her and is just trapped in a bad relationship. But then why would he want to meet her? To break up? If he can wait that long for that, then he can’t possibly be interested in anyone else right now (read: me)

I’m highly disgusted with myself and his girlfriend. If you’ve hooked a guy, you stay with him. You don’t dangle him like bait in front of other women, just to make them feel bad. It’s just mean. Of course, this makes him even more desirable or less so. More if he’s managed to …er…. stay faithful across the seas, less if he hasn’t. Since I don’t know which is true, I will assume the latter. It makes him look worse, which makes me feel better. How the mighty have fallen.

My life is forever riddled with drama. Not that I’m complaining… This can’t be the end though. As they say, everything’s alright in the end, and if it’s not alright then its not the end…

So I guess, the wait for things to be alright continues as I get back to my work…

As we wait…

Cooler December days are here and to make sure that we don’t miss the winter because we’re cooped up in office, the admin people have decided to turn the air conditioner way up or reduce it at their will (the reason given to all of us is ‘Recession’ ). The unhappy result of this is that my cold is showing no signs of retreating, which might have something to do with a recent spell of gorging on ice-cream. Have to keep reminding myself it’s not food.

Things with my handsome stranger are at status quo, or at an even keel (I tried to resist saying that). I guess it doesn’t matter where they are anyway. I don’t think I’d be able to settle for anything less than I want in life, and love. And if I were to be with him, I would always be waiting for the real thing to come along, and that’s not fair to him. I know things will work out soon enough. Sadly, soon enough is never soon enough.

Have just heard the most farcical excuse for not releasing some work I’ve done- it’s too good in the circumstances. Of all unacceptable things I’ve heard recently, this one tops the list. Other items include- you’re nice, in a very weird way; it’s looking okay; and I think you’ve put on enough weight. Needless to say, it’s been a good past few days. On a less sarcastic note, it has been a good past few days. Have been a happy hippo (oh, what the hell, who cares?).

The winter is making it harder than ever to not have someone to cozy up to when there’s a chill in the air and a shiver runs up my spine. It’s also becoming more difficult to remember the distance I must keep in some relationships (if they can be called so yet). I long for warmth in my life, the kind that comes with people who care about you too much to not overlook your faults. It would be so nice to have some friends around. Someone who would listen, understand and not judge. Am I being too demanding? Is being demanding so bad? How can it wreck your personal life?

To find out more, tune in to the next post in a few days by Dr. Alice, our life management expert.

:-(

Guys, I am gonna be super busy these days with my work. I see myself like this for at least one more week Please excuse me if I don’t write much. I will try my level best to come back and rant about my frustration but otherwise I feel I wont. Till then to keep yourselves entertained you can always go on my older posts and enjoy reading the same.

Sorry for the inconvenience but the year end is really getting on my nerves now… grrr…

Till then wishing you a merry chirstmas and a very happy new year.

The changing of the axial tilt

An interesting article that I came across. Its time we guys start doing something about it. Probably in our so-called busy and mundane lives we have become reckless and have forgotten to actually take care of our beloved Earth. I guess we have started taking way too many things for granted. Its time we wake up and in our own simple ways try to sort this problem out before it is too late.

What caused the slippage?

The melting of the polar regions has thrown off the balance of the earth. As the glaciers have nearly melted, the weight at the north pole has decreased. This has allowed the heavier, wider portion of the earth at the equator to start slipping downward, thus increasing the tilt significantly.

Why has no one noticed?

It did not slip all at once. It has been a slow change over the past 20 years, but two of the most significant axial shifts occurred between Dec 4 and 6, 2006.

Despite common misperception, an event like this can happen silently rather than a catastrophic sudden change. A 2000 mile shift would not be felt any more than you can feel the rotation of the earth. The earth rotates nearly 25,000 miles every day. About 1038 miles every hour. You cannot feel a 2000 mile change in the axis any more than you can feel the earth rotate or orbit the sun.

The star layout would only be a miniscule change which the average person would not notice. In the night sky, it would only be inches difference in the stars between the Dakotas and Mexico latitudes. See the “Star Chart” section on the main menu to see the comparison.

Even though this moved our latitude to the south by apx 2000 miles, there is only a 10-20 degree Fahrenheit temperature difference between central American and the Dakotas during the summer. So temperatures normally in the 80’s would now be in the 90’s to 100’s degree Fahrenheit range. Thus it would be reported as a heat wave.  The mid US now has a tropical climate.

In the winter months, we will experience cold waves and ice storms because our increased tilt will have us tilted farther away from the sun in the winter months.

The astronomers, astrophysicists, meteorologists have all been silenced by the government to avoid panic, but the United Kingdom has been giving out information pamphlets to their citizens on how to cope with the permanent changes to the weather.

Warning signs:

Some of our warning signs have been the Dec 2004 tsunami, Katrina, massive increase in earthquakes and volcanic eruptions, ion storms, massive crop failures, GPS disruption, etc.

To read more, click here